Abuse is not normal behavior yet it continues. There are many forms and causes of these unhealthy behaviors. There are various reasons why people abuse others. Many abusers abuse because they were abused and the cycle repeats itself. Often, it is about power and control over another person. Child abuse is widespread and can occur in any ethnic, cultural or income group. Children living in poverty may be at higher risk because of limited resources and multiple people living in one household. I grew up in poverty but was never abused or neglected. Unfortunately, I grew up with some children who were. I encountered others during my professional career. Abuse may contribute to psychological or medical illnesses.
Some children grow up in such dysfunctional households that they may not be aware that they are victims of child abuse. Many adults who were abused as children carry the horrible effects of abuse with them throughout their lives. Child abuse can cause a wide range of emotional effects. Many adults, male and female, cry when discussing their own childhood abuse. The emotional scars of abuse do not end after the immediate acts cease.
Many abusers live in the same household and abuse is kept secret. There are also many reasons why people do not escape the abuse. People living in poverty may have limited resources to escape. Adults may be dependent on the abusers income, have low self- esteem, pretend the abuse is not happening, or think they deserve the abuse. Some suffers in silence. Some turn to illicit drugs, alcohol, prostitution and other unhealthy behaviors to cope with the constant pain. It is difficult to understand why some people abuse. Some know the difference between right and wrong and abuse anyway. Some people do not have the same perspective of right of wrong and understand how their actions hurt others.
The most difficult assignment I had in my professional career was to counsel a young man who was also a child molester. We were around the same age and he was admitted on a court order to the psychiatric unit of the hospital where I was working. He was at our facility until he could be transferred to a specialized psychiatric hospital for intensive inpatient treatment. As a young nurse, I was very nervous about this assignment. I was a certified psychiatric nurse but I didn’t learn about counseling child molesters. This was on the job training. My role was not to be judgmental and remain professional in my interactions with him. I was a divorced mother with two young girls and wasn’t sure I could be objective. As a person of faith, I prayed to God and asked Him why I was assigned this patient and asked how I could counsel him. God answered my prayer and told me to look beyond his offenses and talk to the person. He told me to ask him what we as parents and responsible adults could do to protect children from child predators.
I had to meet with him one on one in the counseling room. He appeared nervous and seemed to be embarrassed by his behavior. We looked into each other’s eyes for what seemed to be forever, and then we began. He started by telling me that he did not want to commit these horrible offenses but couldn’t control his urges. After the abuse, he felt embarrassed and also relieved. He shared a history of molestation himself when he was young. He didn’t tell anyone about being abused and didn’t receive help. He shared that he had no interest in females his own age. He said chose his young female victims by pretending to be interested in their mothers to gain access to the children, volunteering for church activities with children, choosing jobs where he had access to children, and volunteering in the community. He knew how to charm and choose women to gain their trust. He promised to help with finances and made many other promises he didn’t intend to keep. He pretended to befriend the mothers or children so they would trust him. On occasion, after choosing women to date, he lived in the household with his underage victims. The mothers never they invited an abuser into their home.
The cycle repeated itself. He was a victim of child abuse and was victimizing other children. I was sickened to my stomach but learned a valuable lesson on how to protect my children and share what I learned with others. After a few weeks, he was transferred to an inpatient psychiatric hospital for the intensive treatment he needed. Because of what I learned from this young man, this was confirmation that I had to be a responsible and aware parent. It was my responsibility to be aware that abuse occurs, know the causes, risk factors and symptoms. When abuse is suspected, investigate further. Some children may fear reporting it. As parents and responsible adults, we must believe children when they say they are being abused. My first priority was keeping my children safe.
The most heartbreaking part of my career was coordinating care for abused children. Children as young as five or six were admitted to inpatient psychiatric hospitals for intensive treatment and required intensive outpatient treatment after discharge. Babies were molested before they could roll over. They were admitted to the hospital for acute care. These molesters were their parents, siblings, other people in their homes, or people their parents trusted. Children should be allowed to grow and develop without suffering any form of abuse. We are failing our children. It is up to parents and caregivers to take care of children and lovingly guide children through these critical stages of life.
Years later, I became a board member for an organization that was started by my god daughter and her husband. They devoted a ministry to Human Trafficking and I served for twelve years. Young children may also become victims of human traffickers. It is difficult to understand the motivations behind these awful acts of abuse. These helpless children, teenagers and young adults are depersonalized and reduced to property, become sexual objects and become the victims of adult violence. In spite of public recognition these sickening behaviors continues to exist at alarming rates. Abuse is not normal behavior. We must prevail over abuse!
Every state has a mandatory reporting law. In my state of Tennessee, people in counseling, therapy, healthcare and teaching roles must report evidence of or suspicion of abuse. Tennessee law mandates reporting by any person who has knowledge or mental harm to a child. This includes ministers and other clergy members. People reporting should do so in good faith, sound mind, and not cause harm to innocent people. The charges should not be made up, based on personal opinions, vindictive or malicious. According to The Tennessee Department of Children’s Services website, they are required to investigate allegations of child abuse and/or neglect. Based on an investigation, the Department makes a finding on whether the allegation is substantiated (child abuse and/or neglect occurred). A person identified in an investigation as an alleged perpetrator may be substantiated (found to have committed child abuse and/or neglect) or unsubstantiated (not found to have committed child abuse and/or neglect).
Become familiar with the reporting requirements and contact information in your respective states. This information is available and updated on the internet. In case of emergencies and life threatening situations dial 911. Resources for other forms of abuse are also available on the internet.
Some Resources
TN Department of Children’s Services Website
TN Central Intake Child Abuse Hotline (877-237-0004).
National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-422-4453)
The National Domestic Abuse Hotline- 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
Human Trafficking-1-888-373-7888