There are too many children living in poverty. The majority lives in one parent households, with grandparents, other relatives, or in foster care. According to Pew Research Center, children make up a large percentage of America’s impoverished than the population as a whole. Children younger than 18 make up about a quarter of the total population, but make up about a third of all Americans in poverty. These children tend to repeat the poverty cycle as adults.
We must strengthen family units. Family units may consist of two parent families or one parent families. Unless there are dire circumstances, grandparents and other adults shouldn’t be raising children two parents brought into the world. Any parent should want more for their children. If a parent is engaging in unhealthy or criminal behaviors, your children should be the incentive to replace bad habits with good habits. Their future depends upon it. We must stop expecting others, including the court system, to raise and make decisions regarding our children.
Parental responsibility extends beyond providing basic needs for our children. Our role is to keep them safe and make decisions regarding their upbringing. These responsibilities require a parent to be present and engaged. Sometimes these decisions may be difficult but must be done. We are our children’s protector. A parent should foster their children’s physical and emotional well- being. A parent should teach their children morals and values.
Being poor is no excuse for not being a good parent. My entire childhood was spent blooming in poverty. My siblings and I had two nurturing parents. They did not have money but they were present in our lives. Their presence was more valuable than money. We spent quality time together. We saw and felt their presence and it didn’t matter that we were poor. We didn’t have much but we had plenty. We were rich because they were our parents. Their goal was to make sure we had better outcomes. They sacrificed so we could have. They clothed us with guidance, love, wisdom and knowledge. They took us to church and explained why we had to go. They had faith and taught us what faith meant. They provided age appropriate discipline when needed. They held us accountable for our actions. They had standards for their home that no one dared to disrespect. Along the journey out of poverty, they provided life lessons and I believed their every word.
On many days, we survived by eating food that no one else wanted. We wore hand me down clothes and old shoes that didn’t fit our feet properly. We did not have electricity or indoor plumbing in our raggedly shack but our home was filled with love. We were taught to appreciate what we had. We rode 32 miles round trip to segregated schools. We were expected to obey the adults, respect others, pay attention, and learn. We returned home and completed our homework by the light of the coal oil lamp. We were taught to never be ashamed because we were poor. We had to hold our heads up high and walk and speak with confidence. Our parents taught us to not only survive, but thrive. Our socioeconomic status did not define who we were. Our mother prepared our scarce meals with loving hands and ironed our used garments to perfection. We shined our old shoes until we could see our reflections. Our father protected us at the risk of losing his own life and prepared us for the hard road ahead. My parents were the bravest people I knew.
One of the best gifts our parents gave us was refusing to believe in a poverty mentality. In spite of our economic status, they believed we would live an abundant life. Even while living in poverty, we had to volunteer in some way and give back. They believed there would be no limits to what we could become if we applied ourselves. After I understood this, I knew I had the skills and tools to handle any situation I encountered.
I thrived in poverty until I graduated from college and obtained my first meaningful job. I was 21 years old. According to statistics, my chances of going to college were considered slim. My chances of graduating from college were even slimmer. I packed all my belongings in a foot locker and attended college in a city I had never visited and knew no one there. My parents prepared me and believed their teachings would sustain me. They had to make some tough decisions so my siblings and I could function independently as adults. I was determined not to disappoint them. My siblings and I graduated from high school and/or college and had meaningful jobs or careers.
After divorcing, I raised my two young girls as a young single working parent. As a single parent, we were still a family unit. I emulated the guidance my parents provided me. My children did not grow up in poverty but had different challenges. As a single parent, I went on a roller coaster ride but stayed the course. I didn’t hesitate to put their needs before mine. Like my parents, I had standards for my house that no one dared disrespect. There was an occasion when I made a choice to leave a higher paying job for a lower paying one because I needed to be available to my children. My parents invested in their children and I invested in mine. My goal for them was the same goal my parents had for my siblings and me. I wanted them to have a better life than me. I passed the gift my parents gave me to them. They learned the power of an abundance mentality. They believed they had value and could be successful in life if they applied themselves. They both attended college out of state. After graduating, they embarked on their own successful career paths. They are now married and are parents themselves. They are passing the gift of an abundance life and mentality to their children.
Our parents helped my siblings and I break the clutches of poverty by being parents. They were present in our lives and that’s all we needed. We watched them and learned what we lived. They clung together and supported each other. Living in poverty did not entice them to abandon each other or us. They did not indulge in unhealthy behaviors. They sacrificed and made tough decisions. They taught us how to live an abundant life. Joy became my safety and companion while living in a world of turmoil. We experienced hardship and pain yet kept going. We were not victims of our environment.
Stand up and be a parent. Your socioeconomic status will not matter to your children. They want you to be present in their life. If you are an absent parent, they may not understand why. Often times, they may arrive at their own conclusions and grow up and repeat the cycle of absenteeism. Children learn what they live. If you are engaging in unhealthy behaviors, commit to change.
I shared in one of my blog posts (Life’s Harsh Realities) that I learned about Erik Erikson’s eight stages of growth and development during pediatric nursing classes and psychiatric nursing classes. I learned that humans go through these stages from infancy through late adulthood. As students, we had to learn each stage and what each stage meant. During each stage, psychological conflicts must be successfully mastered for a child to develop into healthy, well-adjusted adults. We are failing our children. Children depend upon their parents to love and guide them through the road roads of life.
We must break the generational curse of absent parents.
I’ve
listed some resources for educational purposes only. They are not endorsed by the writer.
Resources for Parents
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)-800-232-4636
Child Care Aware of America- General Inquiries (703)341-4100
- Military and Fee Assistance Program- (800) 424-2246
National Children’s Advocacy Center-256-533- KIDS (5437)
World Health Organization-
202-974-3000 (Provides parenting tips)
Reference
Pew Research Center.
Website. Accessed August 6, 2020.